Even when an INTJ finds that special person, they can still be an enigma. Here's what real INTJs want you to know about being in a relationship. I highly recommend INFP for the socially obtuse INTJs like myself. .. Being in a relationship with an unhealthy INFP is like being blindfolded. I'm going to post this topic in both the INFP and INTJ forums. I'm an INFP woman and recently just started dating an INTJ man. I've read mixed.
INTJs in a relationship with INFPs
Of course, INTJs would be the first to tell you that how we define lazy is entirely relative. As INTJs intuitively form impressions about the world, they naturally want to express them via their auxiliary Te.
And because INTJs often prefer expressing themselves orally rather than in writing, they seek out others interested in hearing their knowledge and insights they resemble INFJs in this respect.
In fact, one of the primary reasons INTJs seek relationships is to have someone to share ideas with. When it comes to forming and developing relationships, INTJs often have a few factors working against them.
For one, they express themselves via their auxiliary Te rather than Fe. Consequently, like other TJ types, they can come across as blunt, mechanical, or lacking a certain degree of tact or social know-how. Their reputation as arrogant know-it-alls can also be attributed, in part, to misperceptions involving their Te. While INFJs are strong in extraverting their judgments, INTJs can be even more so because they lack the peacemaking, people-pleasing, and socially sensitive elements of Fe.
INTJs may also be labeled as excessively stubborn or rigid, although this too relates to Te-related misunderstandings.
INTJ Relationships, Love, & Compatibility
In order to compensate for such misunderstandings, INTJs might reason that if they could only understand people better they could overcome their relational difficulties. This may inspire them to gather as many facts and self-help strategies as they can regarding human psychology and relationships. While there is certainly nothing wrong with doing so, it may not always remedy their predicament in the way they might expect.
For one, INTJs with a history of relational difficulties can be prone to attribute those failures to psychological problems in their partners, thereby failing to see their own shortcomings. While not necessarily their fault, this should comprise at least as much of their relational attention as trying to see and diagnose problems in their partners. To be fair, accurate self-evaluation can be a problem for all J-types, since their preferred mode of Judging Fe or Te is directed outwardly rather than inwardly.
This is one reason why typology can be so useful for INTJs, as well as other types. One of the hallmarks of Fi is a desire to preserve and defend the uniqueness of the individual. Related to a strong concern for the individual is the Fi desire to aid the weak, helpless, and marginalized of society.
This is why IFPs, for instance, can often be found helping the homeless, working with children with special needs, protecting endangered species, etc. Once we add Fi into the mix, it is not hard to see how INTJs might be attracted, even if unconsciously, to rescuing and fixing those who seem needy or helpless. The relationship then becomes a sort of psychotherapeutic forum, with the INTJ working to analyze, diagnose, and treat his wounded partner.
It zeroes in on the unique features of the individual and grows deeply attached to those qualities.
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Even if they attempt to take care of household, they may still miss important details in its maintenance. The partner that has to be constantly responsible for the everyday maintenance may feel resentment or unfulfilled.
A good balance can be achieved with proper delegation of duties or with the hiring of a domestic helper.
Thinking-Feeling Joys Thinker will be attracted to the Feeler's compassion and warmth toward Thinker and others, which Thinker may find lacking in self. Feeler is attracted to the objective, tough-minded Thinker who can take and give criticism without taking offense.
[INTJ] The Case for INFP Compatibility
The Thinker-Feeler partnership will provide all rounded perspectives, considering people, values and logical consequences when making important decisions. Struggles Thinkers may hurt Feelers with their straightforward and sometimes tactless words; Feelers tend to take words personally; so when the Thinker provides negative feedback, it always evokes a larger than expected reaction from the Feeler. Thinkers may not understand the Feeler's desire for harmony and hence avoidance of conflict.
Thinkers often misinterpret Feeler's behavior and deem them complicated.
Feelers also tend to show affection much more naturally and sometimes they may feel their Thinking counterparts don't show enough of it; they may feel unfulfilled in the relationship. Judging-Perceiving Joys Judgers enjoy making decisions for the relationship while Perceivers are happy just to let Judgers do so.
Perceivers are happy to go with the flow according to the Judger's opinions, and they are generally okay with most casual decisions. Because of their organized and scheduled nature, Judgers bring a stability and order to the otherwise messy and spontaneous lives of Perceivers - something that the Perceivers greatly appreciate. Perceivers, on the other hand, help Judgers to lighten up and see the fun side of life, bidding them to be less serious and uptight about everything - something that the Judgers know they need a reminder of.
Struggles However, Judgers find Perceivers to be too passive and casual with their indecisiveness - Sometimes this gets on the nerves of Judgers. Judgers find that Perceivers care little about household organization, something which they value highly. Perceivers are likely to mess up the house because they don't like to keep things neat and orderly at least in the Judger's eyes - this of course drives Judgers crazy.
Judgers may also find the Perceiver's lack of planning and scheduling to be irritating; they may try to organize the Perceiver's life as a result - this of course, is a mistake and something that Perceivers do not always appreciate.INTJ Lair // Advice to Those Dating INTJs